oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
