I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
