the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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