Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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