One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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