i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He kissed a someone with a penis
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
