Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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