Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
