i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
