So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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