You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
