It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
