Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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