my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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