hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
