How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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