No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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