my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
