so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
