I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
