i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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