We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
