so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
