I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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