Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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