Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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