Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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