he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
