My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
