guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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