i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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