Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
