I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
