She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
