We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
