You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
