eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
