I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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