Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
bring money and cleavage
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
