the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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