so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
