he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
