can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
