My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
