using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
whose parrot is this?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
