i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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