my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
