Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude i'm inner monologue high
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
