Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
