i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
