Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
